


Sleepless Nights

by SHERjohnLOCK



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Sad, So much angst, Torture, Violence, idk - Freeform, just a lot of pain, painlock, pininglock, sad johnlock, uh, what else do i tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 16:56:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2316788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHERjohnLOCK/pseuds/SHERjohnLOCK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock would do anything for John Hamish Watson, even if it meant giving his own life to ensure John's safety.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleepless Nights

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was a quick little dose of angst.  
> For my Nicole ✿✿

_And I know you're not a crutch_

_But I can hold you when I stand_

_'Cause I am living for your touch_

_But I would die to be your man_

 

When Sherlock was being beaten and whipped in Europe during his two year game of  _"hide and seek,"_ the only thing that passed through his mind was John. Even in those hours of being tortured, John was in his thoughts. Sherlock wondered what John was doing in those moments, if he was out walking a lonesome path in the London rain or if he was with a new girlfriend at a restaurant. But, ultimately, he wondered if he himself happened to be on John's mind.

 

_To give you everything, there is nothing I won't do._

 

Because, even while those whips cracked against Sherlock's thin, pale skin, that pain didn't even compare to the heart-breaking thought that he'd never be with John again. That was the reality of it, which Sherlock must learn to accept.

 

_I'd tell you "you're lovely and everything I'll ever need,"  
And I'd give you my all if you'd just come and stand next to me._

 

Although, Sherlock knew he couldn't mean much to him anyways. Thus, he would grieve a bit after the  _fall_ and then move on with his life.

 

_I'd let you hit me before I ever let you hit the floor._

 

Sherlock spent the sleepless nights in the stone chambers with chains hooked onto his ankles and wrists to keep him from escaping. Little did they know, Sherlock didn't even want to escape. He was terrified that if he went back to John, he'd be with someone else. He'd have forgotten all about his detective and their dangerous adventures all those nights beneath the London stars. Did John know how deeply Sherlock loved him? Perhaps he should have told him how he felt. It's not that he didn't want to, it's that he never knew quite what to say.

_**"Hey, John. I've been in love with you since the moment I met you and I'm absolutely terrified that you don't love me back."** _

It was stupid for Sherlock to even consider it.

 

_And I'd rather choke than to breathe in your absence._

 

The nights in that prison cell became more torturous as the days wore on. Longer, harder, stronger whips. Scars decorated nearly every inch of his body by the fourth month. He was treated like an animal, beaten and cut like he wasn't worth a cent. 

 

_Run my fingers through your hair like they are water from the drain._

_Press my lips against your back like they could take away its pain._

 

One night, the last night, Sherlock simply couldn't bear it any longer. The pain, both mental and physical, was too much. John, the whips, John, John,  _John._

 

_And I know you're feeling tired. Just let me hold you for a bit._

 

He was seconds away from blacking out, then he saw stars. Everything flashed behind his eyes like clips from a film. All the crimes he solved with his John, the nights in 221B spent playing his violin whilst looking at the snow falling against the window...Those were the best days of his life. He had John, and that was all he ever needed.

 

* * *

On that night, Sherlock passed away in his cell. Before he drifted, he saw John. He knew that, when he was finally gone, John could live his life and have a smile on his face. Sherlock hoped that, as an angel, he would be able to see John with that smile. 

After all, that's the only thing Sherlock ever wanted to see.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I certainly hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Please leave kudos/comments, as I adore hearing feedback. Have a fantastic day, loves. ✿
> 
> Important*****: The italicized quotes were song lyrics from a song by a group called Front Porch Step. The song is titled, "Private Fears in Public Places." No, I don't own that.


End file.
